December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)
I read this prompt just after I woke up today, and it’s now a few hours after I should have gone to bed. Unfortunately, nothing has stood out. I’ve done a fair amount of reflecting all day long. I thought maybe some of the time on the brief cruise to the Bahamas I took with four good friends would provide a suitable moment, or perhaps a later trip to Key West that was extremely fun, and I even went back through some of the time from when I was working, which provided a lot of fulfillment and some exciting challenges, but I didn’t have any of those “this is what life is about” moments this year, at least ones that come to mind in a day’s reflection.
What I do have to share is how much time I also spent reflecting on what that might mean. As soon as I began struggling with this prompt I started to suspect that there were some personal flaws that were being ignored as contributory. Two things I thought of were whether spending time on the internet exposes me to so many ideas and experiences and instant information that my interactions in the real world are perceived through atrophied or “deadened senses”. I bet there are some ways to test for such things, and I may even look into them.
The other culprit at work here is just a case of my own memory. I remember events as a series of facts that describe the situation, but I don’t reflect on my long term memory often, and I don’t think I recall emotional response at all. Part of this may be a male natural response, an instinct for recollection of numbers and locations but a detachment from feelings that might impair judgment. How cold that sounds. I’m a very emotional guy by my own reckoning. I’d guess I’ve teared up fifty times this year, but I can’t recall for you what I was doing or watching at the time specifically. This might seem very strange to you, I know it did for an ex-girlfriend many years back. It was a harsh lesson to learn that people who are closest want to know more about your history then you’re use to recalling and sharing, but withholding that connection can drive them away.
